


Keeping Secrets

by ParanoidSeat



Category: The Tomorrow People (1973)
Genre: Artificial Intelligence, Closeted Character, Community: lgbtfest, Flashback, Homophobia, M/M, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-07
Updated: 2010-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-05 22:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParanoidSeat/pseuds/ParanoidSeat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keeping his friends in the dark about his personal life might not have been John's best idea. Being dragged out of the closet isn't fun.<br/>LGBTfest prompt: The leader of the Tomorrow People is all but hero-worshipped by those he guides through their turbulent break-outs and teaches how to use their special powers for the good of the Earth. So how are they going to react when he tells them/they find out he's gay/bi?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keeping Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: use of mild derogatory slang.  
> Set in 1980, shortly after 'War of the Empires'.  
> Beta'd by the wonderful 'ponygirl72' and the fantastic 'bytheseaside', with some invaluable help from 'agapi42'.

[ ](http://s18.photobucket.com/albums/b101/purplebug/?action=view&current=TPstoryboard.jpg)

  
-

"_Ho-mo-sex-u-al_." Hsui Tai traced her finger across the page, pronouncing the word carefully. "_Feeling or involving sexual attraction to people of one's own sex_." She looked up from the dictionary and frowned. [Mike?] she called, reaching out with her mind.

[Yeah?] His voice carried back to her from wherever he was - probably his college.

[Are you certain this is the right word to describe John?]

[I'm almost positive. My uncle's one - although my mum doesn't talk about him - and it makes sense, don't it? I've been part of the gang for quite a while, and not once has he ever had a girlfriend.]

[And you think this is proof that he has homosexual feelings?] Hsui Tai glanced down at the page again to check her words. [For other men?]

[That's pretty much what it means,] Mike laughed. [And yeah, I think it's enough to make anybody suspicious. I mean, he's never even looked twice at a girl, as far as I've seen. He's like twenty-six or somethin', that just don't make sense that he hasn't had a girlfriend, unless it's true!]

[Maybe he is just waiting to meet the right woman?] she suggested. She didn't really feel comfortable talking about their friend's personal life behind his back like this, but Mike was adamant about his theory.

Mike snorted over the telepathic link. [Men don't go in for the same romantic stuff that girls do, Hsui Tai,] he laughed. [Well, maybe John does, but with blokes - 'cause they're like that, ain't they?]

[Who are?]

[Y'know, gays.]

[Oh. Are they?] Hsui Tai was feeling rather lost in this conversation.

[Well, yeah, don't you -- Oh bugger, I've gotta go - my tutor looks pretty mad.]

There was abrupt silence, which was gradually filled with the quiet hum of the Lab. Hsui Tai closed the dictionary and stared at it for a moment. Was their leader attracted to men? Was that important in this culture? It seemed important to Mike, and not in a good way. From what she could surmise, men who were attracted to other men were not uncommon, since they even had their own entry in the dictionary, but it seemed Mike didn't like them for some reason. Having had a very sheltered upbringing, she was fairly sure she needed more information before forming an opinion on this matter, but even her first impression was to be baffled at Mike's attitude. Why did he dislike these people? Perhaps it was a bit like religion, she mused, standing up and returning the dictionary to the bookshelf.

"I would not speak to John about this matter immediately, Hsui Tai."

She jumped at TIM's deep voice, startling after her quiet thoughts. Then she flushed guiltily, thinking of the conversation she had just had with Mike, which TIM must have overheard.

"Sorry, TIM - I did not mean to speak behind John's back about him. Is Mike right?"

"I do not have that information," the biotronic computer replied. "You are right that this topic is usually a private or sensitive matter, but you cannot stop Mike from speculating. If it is the case, then speaking directly to John would not be wise. I would prefer, if you must speak to someone about it, that you speak to Elizabeth. She has known John the longest, and if he has anything to confide, it is her he trusts the most." Hsui Tai nodded, and made to leave the room, but TIM continued. "She is unlikely to confirm or deny Mike's suspicions, however, as that would be a betrayal of trust. If she says she does not know, I would advise you to let it be. I will have a talk with Mike about appropriate conduct and spreading rumours when he returns from college."

"Okay TIM." Hsui Tai nodded again and, with inexplicable nervousness, headed for Elizabeth's room.

 

-  


[ ](http://s18.photobucket.com/albums/b101/purplebug/?action=view&current=TP-John-Chrisbar.jpg)

  
-

 

_He's just a Sap, John keeps telling himself, but it doesn't help. Chris is brave and strong, acting as their muscle when they can't reach their stun guns, and he tries so hard. TIM has told John about the book on 'increasing your mental powers', and Chris's longing to be one of the Tomorrow People has been evident for a while. That's why John made the matter transporter belt - so that he wouldn't always be left behind while they jaunted about. He often wonders if there's something more to the way they interact, but he always dismisses it. He's never met anyone else like him in this way, even before he broke out. He's resigned himself to being alone for quite a while yet._

_But then the hand on his arm lingers a little longer than it should, and the expressive eyes hold his a few seconds too long, and John is intensely grateful that they are more or less alone for these few minutes. Neither of them talk about it for a few days afterwards, but when it happens again, they both agree that they want it to continue._

_The next few months are happy but furtive, and John feels incredibly guilty a lot of the time. Elizabeth sometimes gets that look in her eyes like she knows he's hiding something but doesn't want to ask if he's not going to tell her. Stephen's oblivious, of course; too busy teaching Tyso how to use his new powers to notice John's sneaking about and careful excuses. He knows TIM knows, but he trusts the computer to remain silent on the matter. His liaisons with Chris are restricted solely to his own house; the others don't even realise he has a home outside the Lab, so there's no chance of them dropping in._

_It's not until almost half a year has passed that the secret starts to slip out. Chris's brother finds out somehow, and before John can even argue against Ginge's stupid prejudices, Chris has left him; run off scared, afraid of his family, leaving only a matter transporter belt on the table and a trace of bittersweetness on the lips._

_When the others ask why neither Chris nor Ginge visit the Lab anymore, John tells them they got jobs up north and had to leave town. He says he's doubtful they'll be back._

 

  
-

 

The awkward silence stretched out, becoming almost unbearable, until John finally broke it with a loud sigh. He leaned back against the wall behind his bed and met Elizabeth's eyes with a frank expression.

"Yes."

"Wow. Okay. Did you ever...?"

He nodded. "Chris," he said simply.

Sitting cross-legged on the end of his bed, Elizabeth nodded slightly, only slightly surprised. She had come to the same conclusion as Mike had quite a while ago, based on the same facts - except she _knew_ John had never had a girlfriend. Although... she hadn't known he'd had a boyfriend either. Which led her to question whether or not she actually knew him as well as she thought she did.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

John thought for a moment before replying. "I suppose, at first, I didn't consider it anybody's business but my own. And when Chris and I were involved, he didn't want me to tell anyone. He was paranoid that his family might find out." He laughed, flat and hollow. "It was his family that broke us up, in the end. He didn't want to go, but he was scared." He took a deep breath and shook his head sharply. "No. I don't really want to talk about it."

Elizabeth nodded, and no more was said about Chris.

"So... will you tell the others?" she asked, after a long pause that seemed filled with loud, unsaid things.

"I ... I don't know," he said with a sigh, hands folded in his lap with an air of calm resignation. "I probably should, shouldn't I?"

"I think so, especially since it's all coming out. What about Stephen and Tyso - or Carol and Kenny? Will you tell them?"

John hesitated, and then nodded. "Yes, they were part of my life too - they should know. It would only hurt them if they found out later from someone else. I'll contact them after all this calms down."

He heaved a sigh and got to his feet, muttering something about calling the boys to the Lab and giving Mike "a good talking to". She followed him out, just as the musical sounds of someone jaunting in echoed through the main room.

Andrew stumbled from the jaunting pad and hurried urgently towards John, his young face contorted with anger and confusion.

"John, John! He said - Mike said -"

Elizabeth caught the young teen by the shoulders and held him still for a few moments, trying to lessen his agitation. John faced him calmly, but Elizabeth could sense him preparing for the worst.

"Mike said that you're a poof!" Andrew blurted, covering his mouth a moment later as his mind caught up with what he'd said. Letting his hand drop slightly, he continued in a softer voice, his Scottish lilt plaintive with apology and guilt. "Sorry. But that's what he said! And that's a horrible thing to say!"

John blinked in surprise, and cleared his throat. "It's not a very nice word, no, and I'll be having a chat with Mike later about all this."

"You're not though, are you?" Andrew asked - not as though he needed reassurance, but as though he wanted to prove Mike wrong in his allegations.

"Well," John said slowly, and Elizabeth could see him deliberating. "What if I was?"

Andrew paused. "...I guess it's okay. I suppose. No harm."

"That's good then," Elizabeth said, patting Andrew's shoulders and smoothing his tousled hair in a motherly gesture.

"You mean, you are? Not a p-- um, you know - but you're, um...?"

"Yes, I am. It probably won't be a big issue most of the time. And I'd prefer it if you didn't tell anyone outside us Tomorrow People. Especially your father."

"Why not?"

"Well, people seem to make all the wrong assumptions about gay men, and I wouldn't like any of your parents or teachers to get any of those funny ideas in their heads." Andrew looked baffled, as he rightly should be, but he nodded anyway. "And your father, well... You remember how badly he took your breaking-out?"

"Oh, I see. Yes, the church isn't too nice about ... um, you."

"Exactly. So it's a matter between us and only us."

"Got it," said Andrew, smiling. "What about Hsui Tai? Does she know?"

"Mike told her, and she asked me," Elizabeth said, just as Hsui Tai entered the room.

"Did you hear any of that?" John asked her, and she nodded.

"I was waiting by my door," she replied, smiling slightly. "So it is not a bad thing that you are homosexual?"

John chuckled fondly at her naivety. "No, not as long as the news doesn't leave the Lab, okay?"

"Speaking of which..." Elizabeth prompted, and John rolled his eyes.

"Oh, yes."

He sent a stern telepathic summons, and when Mike appeared, Elizabeth shepherded Andrew and Hsui Tai out of the main room and into hers to give John and Mike some privacy to talk.

 

-  
-

 

"I knew you'd do that, blame my family. That's classist, that is." Immediately on the defensive, Mike's attitude reminded John of the young boy who had joined them, pushing at his boundaries and testing their patience.

"I'm merely saying that your opinions of what's supposed to be 'normal' have been skewed by the way you've been brought up -"

"How I grew up's none of your business!"

"And my personal life is none of yours!" John snapped back. "Think whatever of me you want, but it is unacceptable for you to spread malicious rumours."

"Even if they're true?" Mike taunted.

John glared sharply at him. "The rumour may be true, but it doesn't matter if it is. I'm angry because you tried to influence Andrew and Hsui Tai with harmful ideas."

"What d'you mean, harmful? I was just trying to enlighten them about who you really are."

"And who am I, Mike?" John challenged. "Tell me."

"You're a poof, for starters," Mike began, saying the word as casually as any other slang that he might use on a daily basis. "But you're a liar as well. How long've you been keeping important stuff like this secret from your friends?"

"Did it ever occur to you that I didn't consider it important enough to broadcast it to everyone? Or too private, perhaps? Why should I have told you?"

Mike hesitated for a moment. "Because... 'cause keeping it secret is lying to people about who you are."

"And I'm a liar and a poof, is that right?"

"Yeah." He hesitated again, seemingly thrown by John's calm, direct attitude.

"Okay, so I've 'come out', if you want to call it that. You dragged me out of hiding, and now I'm openly gay, at least among you lot. So that's the 'liar' part done with. So now I'm just a poof, aren't I?"

"I guess."

"And what's wrong with that?"

Once more he paused, as if he'd never really given the matter serious consideration; had just gone along with the casual prejudices displayed at home and at school without thinking anything of it.

"I dunno, it's just ... not normal. Y'know? I mean, what's the point of it?"

"You mean biologically?" John squinted at him slightly, frowning, not quite sure if he was understanding the question properly.

"Yeah."

"Well..." The answer was not quick in presenting itself concisely, but John managed in the end. "I suppose there is no point, if you look at it from a strictly biological point of view. But not every person on the planet has to reproduce, you know. If absolutely everyone did, the rate of overpopulation would be even faster than it is already."

"But there's only, like, seven of us."

"Nine of us."

"Right, nine. And we're supposed to take over the Earth at some point in the future, so surely reproducing is important?"

John sighed. "Yes, I know. But we know there'll be a mass break-out in the next few decades, so that won't be a problem. Besides, it's not like I could just stop being gay for the sake of increasing the population of Tomorrow People."

"Why?" Mike was frowning with actual curiosity now, the earlier spite and defiance absent from his expression. John realised suddenly that part of the reason Mike objected so strongly to John's orientation was that he didn't properly understand the concept.

"Because... Well, because it's how I feel," John replied simply. "Look at it this way: you like blondes, don't you?" Mike seemed startled for a moment, then nodded shortly.

"Blonde girls, yeah." The Russian girl, Pavla, was clear in his mind at that moment, John could almost see her, but he said nothing. No point dragging up painful memories.

"So that's your preference. Now imagine that the only girls you like are blonde ones, and you're not attracted to brunettes at all. It's not something you can control, and you can't just 'make do' and date someone who's not blonde just because there aren't any blondes around."

"Right," said Mike slowly, willing to play along but still rather confused.

"And imagine everyone else likes brunettes, and they think you're weird, or wrong, for liking blondes. They think it's normal to like brunettes, and if you don't, then you're obviously some kind of freak." John watched Mike as he processed this, finally grasping the idea that orientation wasn't optional.

"Oh," he said eventually. "Right."

"You see?"

"Yeah. Sort of." Mike looked at the floor for a long while, then cautiously up at John, who was still watching him patiently. "Sorry."

"Apology accepted. So you understand now why I keep my private life to myself?"

"I suppose." A mischievous glint reappeared in Mike's eyes, and John braced himself for whatever cheeky remark was about to come his way. "So, no chance of you telling me if you've _ever_ had a boyfriend, then, or if you're just an old spinster?"

John gave Mike a friendly shove. "Don't push your luck."

 

-  
-

 

A few words floated through from the main room, both sides angry, accusatory and defensive. Elizabeth closed the door; she'd rather the two younger TPs didn't hear too much of the argument. As Andrew and Hsui Tai looked to her for reassurance, she wondered if the programming of Mike's upbringing would be overcome without too much difficulty. John's secret wasn't socially acceptable, although it might be in the future - who knew - but she hoped that Mike, being potentially more enlightened than the Saps, would be able to see that it wasn't a bad thing, or even a very big deal, all things considered.

"Will they still get along after this?" Andrew asked, eyes wide and worried.

"I hope so," she replied, putting an arm around him comfortingly. "Mike is being rather narrow-minded, but maybe once John puts it in perspective, he'll understand."

"What do you mean, 'put it in perspective'?" Hsui Tai asked, perching on the edge of Elizabeth's bed.

"Well, we Tomorrow People are different from the Saps, and the ones we've met so far don't often like us very much - but that doesn't make us wrong for being who we are. John's a bit different from most men, but there are many more people in the world like him than there are people like us. And general society isn't very positive about gay people either, but who says there's anything wrong with them, just because they're not like others?"

"A bit of diversity makes the world go round," Andrew said, a smile brightening his boyish face.

"I see," said Hsui Tai, nodding in comprehension. "It is not something I am familiar with, but I can learn."

Elizabeth smiled at the easy acceptance from the two young people, and at the realisation that the shouting had died down. Perhaps they were discussing things civilly now. She hoped their relationship would smooth out; she'd hate for John to lose another friend because of negative attitudes. She lingered on that, and thought back to past events; she really felt for John, losing Chris the way he did. It had pained her to see the look on his face when he had declined to continue talking about it.

[TIM?] She kept her voice quiet, in the telepathic sense; broadcasting only to the biotronic computer.

[Yes, Elizabeth?] He detected the privacy required for this conversation and responded likewise.

[How easy would it be to track down Chris Harding?] she asked.

[It would not take long to find him, if he is still using the same name.]

She could sense the hesitancy in his voice as he spoke to her, and she found she agreed with his unspoken concerns. [Would it be right to do this, do you think? Would he appreciate me interfering like this?]

[From what I can gather,] TIM replied, [Chris's departure was due to his brother's involvement, and he did not leave entirely voluntarily. I witnessed their separation, and it is my opinion that John would be very happy if Chris returned. The pros in this situation may outweigh the cons.]

[You mean he might forgive my interfering if he had Chris back in his life?]

[Yes. I would advise caution, though. Chris may still be too scared to return. I believe Ginge has since left the area - you may wish to let Chris know this, as it may help him to feel that returning is safe.] He paused for a moment, then added, [I have located his current accommodation. It is not far from London.]

Elizabeth smiled, sending her thanks to TIM before patting Andrew once more on the shoulder and standing up.

"I'm going on a little trip - will you two be okay here until John and Mike have settled things?"

Andrew nodded. "Should be. They sound calmer now, so maybe it won't take them much longer."

"Where are you going?" Hsui Tai asked curiously.

"I'm just going to visit an old friend," she said simply. "Rather important visit, but I'll be back soon." [TIM, can you jaunt me a matter transporter from the stores?]

[Certainly.] A matter transporter wristband appeared on her bedside table and she scooped it up before giving the two young TPs a smile, putting a hand to her jaunting band, and disappearing into hyperspace.


End file.
